Lessons Learned?

Before we started our long journey last fall, I thought that the trip would change us in concrete and obvious ways. Besides my new, throwback nose stud and the revival of Peter’s short haircut, I am still searching. Often when I look in the mirror, I look for something subtle that I didn’t notice when we first returned. Especially around the eyes - a knowing glance or extra-wise wrinkles at the corners - so far, nothing. I was sure we approached this trip with the requisite openness to invite some changes and some revelations. I entertained the idea that we would be let in on some ancient, heavily guarded secret that would guide our lives. I figured we would return home with the aloof-sagey quality that you notice in folks who travel a lot. You know, the ones who have magnificent stories to tell regardless of the topic of conversation. They seamlessly weave worldly stories into any conversational topic. The ones who often remark “Oh, was that when we were in the small village in Madagascar or on the shores of the wild Urubumba River?” right before they look off into the empty air just above your head as if they are replaying a faraway scene, searching for details. This activity usually adds to the allure of the traveled one. Who wouldn’t want to be able to recount stories of far-reaching places and curious faces? It’s so romantic and mysterious. Were we overcome by the prospect of becoming part of the Traveling All-Star Team? Did we want to travel so that we could contribute to any conversation with the confidence of someone who has seen a thing or two in this wide world? I don’t think so. We hold a genuine curiosity about the world and the stars aligned so we were permitted to pursue that wonder. So, we did. At this point, and I am sure this will change as the experiences marinate in my heart and mind in the years to come, I don’t see the concrete changes that I anticipated. I entered this journey with the openness and humility you hope for in travelers. Sometimes, I was wracked with the overwhelming need for familiarity, sad self-doubt, and unfounded fear. At the same time, I experienced supreme joy, ultimate wonder and fleeting moments of deep peace. However, trying to put those feelings into words or reducing them to the mundane vignettes, seems both impossible and criminal at the same time. Travel affected me in such subtle ways that I can’t recognize them even if I squint hard right now. Sure, if you look at our repertoire of countries visited, we certainly made the Traveling All-Star Team. We might even be the captains. But, I don’t feel like much of an expert as I endeavor to uncover the meaning of the experiences in our lives today. Maybe I’m looking too hard. Maybe if I just carry on, the teachings of our journey will reveal themselves in subtle albeit endlessly meaningful ways each day. As Marge Piercy so deftly describes:

for every gardener knows that after the digging,
after the planting,
after the long season of tending and growth,
the harvest comes.